Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
