Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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