i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
