I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize