it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
