Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
