You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
