Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
