I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i out mim tonsoeep
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