You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
