i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
