So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize