I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
