Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
