I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize