i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Who died my cat blue again?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
