You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
