i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
