i don't like sucking hair
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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