I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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