I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
