lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize