Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
