Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
