I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
