We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize