I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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