..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
