also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
