I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
