please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
