He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
