I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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