dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize