Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
