Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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