YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
