if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
