I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize