there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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