I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
