How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
