He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I party with great urgency now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
