Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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