What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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