why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
