He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
