I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
