oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
People in love make me want to vomit
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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