You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
