I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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