We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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