He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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