my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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