I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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