So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
