I CAN MOONWALK!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
