You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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