why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry about my life...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
