so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
