how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
