I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We are all done wearing pants today
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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