she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
