You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
