my mouth tastes like poor choices
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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