I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
