never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
